a vulnerable open book

I have been very stressed in the last little bit of my life,

considering what to do next, what the game plan is.

I still haven't got it figured out in any tangible way

but I did find a goal, 

(to grow and experience things

and maybe eventually) become wise.

I have always admired the adventurers,

the ones who take risks and become more themselves by focusing on others.

I have realized how selfish I have been worrying about my own future 

or even who to be friends with or what to wear.

I want to put off this. 

I want to be me.

Without a care of the worldly things and invest in my insides.

Eating well is something I have been working on and I have noticed it's pay offs 

but I would like to work on my mind and breath, my vision for the future.

I do not want to get bogged down by other people's dreams and visions

accept that as that person and not take on their personal ventures.

What do I want to experience?

Who do I want to be?

After all this is my life and 'you only live once'

another great saying: 'I'm not getting any younger'

So for all those worries and dreads about finding a soul mate...

That will happen when I become the person that I want to be

even if it is a soul friend

People come in and out of our lives as a catalyst for change 

and lately I have lost track of where I am and where I want to go

Where do I want to go...

I know that I want to go places and help people.

I can start small.

To be wise,

would be a beautiful thing

something that you don't obtain

something that you are always working on

and progressing towards

like anything in life

We should stop and look around to catch the beauty and live in the moment 

but not to stagnate and surrender.

I have many goals and dreams before I became more absorbed in having someone significant

I don't think I need to let that go
but it wouldn't be healthy to find someone right now
because they wouldn't be for me

they would be for the old me

the shedding skin

Age is what scares me, if I could stay young forever, in all honesty I would probably take it.

I have overlooked the beauty of the soul 

and have morphed into concern about appearance, 

maybe because it's what I am attracted to

I need to change my very own mindset 

and get back to looking at the individual inside 

and not the paint on the canvas.

So this is me, making a pact with myself

to not worry about looks, others judging me, or the common desire to find someone

but to discover beauty within myself and to do the things that I have dreamed of

to reach a potential of existence where love radiates through me for everyone and thing

I only then will achieve patience, kindness, understanding, putting off and away the desire for outward beauty
focusing on my inwards.

When life punches you in the face, your lip bleeds.