bahaha

I love taking pictures when I'm tired because I think it captures a different side of my personality. I become more still and calm.
This week... if my bank card comes in (finally!) I want to purchase a very small sewing machine.
and go from there.


*these ones are amusing to me. especially the pattern my hair is making on the back of my neck...

Do you want to know an embarrassing thing about me? I didn't officially know how to spell 'tired' until maybe a year ago. When I would text I would say 'I'm really tierd." 'Jealous' was another one of those words that I just obviously didn't know anything about! I'm sorry for neglecting you words. I'm still looking into purchasing a pocket dictionary. 

If you see one out there in the world let me know. 

This dyslexic would love to memorize new things.

one to another

I was at the grocery store this evening
because occasionally I do that...

I came home and found my bags perfectly arranged with cans in one, ramen in another, and finally veggies in the third. Wow! I was blown away by Ms. Ididn'tcatchyour name working at the end of the cashier station. What talent and thoughtfulness you have, I need to thank people more often.

This act of kindness brought me back to a roommate I had sophmore year of college when I was living in a quaint house with 12 other girls. yes 12. There were always dishes in the sink and there were always blank looks as to who they belonged to. I had one roommate who I admired so much. Every time she came home from school, there she was, without even a mutter or a look of disdain, she would be doing the household dishes. I was so impressed because she didn't do it for the credit or recognition as most people would have wanted, if you can believe it she was selfless and the aura around her said so.

This is something I've been thinking about a lot these past few years. How to be more selfless, more giving. To make someone else's day without asking for the credit or even a thanks or smile, doing your best just because. The world would be a better place if we all pitched in to make one another happy instead of ourselves. To think of our neighbor and how they are feeling before we consider our own feelings. Such a beautiful idea, something I hope to always be attempting.

Broken Social Scene - Sweetest Kill

this may be amazing. mmmhmmm.

it all began in a car...

I went with Brent and Austin to go see 
The Talking Heads Documentary at Brewvies.

A really cool place in the Salt Lake area where the movie scene is more of a hang out then a serious observation. The crowd gets into it, they have their beer and food. I had my chocolate chips and companionship. ALSO my amazing coworker Clayton was there! What a surprised, he is a super cool dude who just makes you feel good when you're around him. A very chill guy. 

*You can't go wrong with David Byrn as your lead singer. 

He is so entertaining and quirky.

I think this one may have been my favorite from last night.

I also REALLY enjoyed watching Tina Weymouth play the base in other songs, she looks so confident and natural. Awesome film. It was so fun.

Taken By Trees - "My Boys"

Camera Obscura - "French Navy" official video

mourning

My best friend of 16 years passed away last night.

He filled my childhood with love and companionship

as I braved the new world of second grade onto senior year of high school,

he greeted me and comforted me when I can home.

I remember the first day I got him, my family took me to the Humane Society, 

I was 8 at the time and overwhelmed with the decision I had to make, there were so many cats.

A lot of them were pretty scary, mother cats hissing at other mother cats, 

kittens that had already had the red tag on their cage explaining that they were claimed

I couldn't really go wandering in the room because I was so frightened.

Then I looked down to the left and in the bottom cage there was a small cat maybe 8 months old.

I decided thats the one I wanted to hold, I picked him up and I knew, 

this weird instinct that we were meant for each other.

A tabby cat, a street cat, an abused cat.

I went to put him back and he immediately jumped on the cage wall

as if to say "please dont leave me"

and ever since then we have been inseparable,

I named him Tabasco.

I didn't even like the taste of Tabasco sauce when I was little. 

I think this was me trying to get my fathers amusement more then anything.

Years passed and Tabasco was scared of everything, brooms, strangers, especially men

but when we were alone he was safe. He could sleep.

I worried about him in the cold nights when he didn't come back

fearing a coyote had gotten him

(he was so skinny his whole life, he always looked 8 months old)

I would call him

and he would come, sometimes running, 

sometimes he would play games for his own amusement 

and not come for 5 minutes or take his sweet little time

He knew when I was leaving for college 

each time I packed my bags he would cling onto my shoulders for dear life.

It's silly really but he was a strong reason that pulled me home each break from school.

He knew when I was sad and would curl up as close as he could

or when I was mad he would wait patiently at the end of the bed 

(or he would be too annoying, trying to lighten the mood, and I would kick him out of my room)

When all the world was crashing down in my youth he was what I could rely on,

a loyal companion.

Tabasco

1995-2011

maybe it's a little too soon

I had never seen Jerry Maguire.

Judging by the clips, the plot behind sports, 

and the famous "you had me at hello"...

I didn't look at it twice. (my mistake)

because after seeing this movie for the first time

I'm not surprised why people like it

and I'm not surprised why I really liked it.

It was a great movie that almost made me like sports

and almost made me like Tom Cruise.

Those are two big things.

I liked the story behind it all, the human heart and how we relate to others.

Plus the love stuff wasn't so bad (because it wasn't a fairy tale).

*this video compilation is pretty cheesy

Frida Kahlo

I drank three cups of coco today (throughout the day), scanned the art embedded in the wall with my fingertips, made quinoa with a variety of yummy vegetables, and topped it off with a NEW library card. 

Seriously an awesome day.

*A venture to the library on a cold rainy day. simply the best. 

Next time I'm taking my thermos and settling down with a good read.

Last night I finally watched the movie 'Frida'.

I have always been an admirer of Frida Kahlo. If you still have myspace...you may happen upon my page I started Freshman year of college, I may still have a picture of her as my interest... that is, if myspace still exsists. 

She was a magnificent strong woman whom really lived life, I've always wanted to be like her.

These works are my particular favorites. There is so much depth to her and her paintings. To me she creates worlds within worlds; the colors, the way the painting speaks to you, giving you so much insight with so little. ugghhh. so incredible. 

 The Two Fridas, 1939

"I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best"

 Self Portrait in a Velvet Dress, 1926

The inscription reads: "In the city of New York on the twenty-first day of the month of October, 1938, at six o'clock in the morning, Mrs. Dorothy Hale committed suicide by throwing herself out of a very high window of the Hampshire House building. In her memory this retablo, executed by Frida Kahlo." *The words "Commissioned by Mrs. Clare Booth Luce" were painted out of the legend by Noguchi at Luce's request after Kahlo delivered the commission*

 The Suicide of Dorothy Hale, 1939

La Adelita, Pancho Villa and Frida, 1927

Portrait of Miguel N. Lira, 1927

What the Water Gave Me, 1938

 The Wounded Deer, 1946

I love the Mexican style in her art, it brings me a little closer to home. 

I think Frida as a person was quite remarkable. When she was about 18 years old she was in an accident where a trolley collided with her bus. She fractured her spine, collarbone, ribs, shattered her pelvis, shoulder, and had eleven fractures in her right leg. She spent over a year recovering in bed and during this time she painted. and painted. and painted. There is so much to her life but I feel like I can relate on a small level to her accident (from my herniated disc) and dealing with pain without anyone being able to understand. During her life she had over 30 operations, none of them completely fixing anything, she was in constant pain her whole life. Maybe that's why these paintings speak so much to me. 

Her life included her intense love for Diego Rivera. Their battles, affairs, divorce and marriages (they married twice). I really love how they had two separate homes with a bridge connecting the two. A dream to me. 

She is one lady I hope to talk with in the afterlife.

the local store for all your outdoor necessities

This is a young fellow (customer) who slept in the store for most of the morning.

I went to a German Cafe on Main Street yesterday afternoon (during lunch break) and said, "...I'm a Vegetarian, what can I get for 5 dollars?" (I don't have a debit card anymore. or a credit card for that matter... they are coming in the mail) and the lady working was SO awesome, she brought me out this.

I'm going back there in the future, I promise.

*Body bags for the less fortunate.

 *This here is Benjamin, he is a painter and a musician who loves working late at night... as you can tell.

*Mike, so cool to talk to because he is so incredibly smart.
(it's kind of scary how much he reminds me of my older brother.)

 *Our miniature tents. I like to think that the designer had Barbies in mind when he built these small replicas. 
I think they would be a huge hit.

One of my favorite people whom I work with is Brad. He is maybe in his late 40s early 50s with a ton of outdoor knowledge. I think he has taught me a majority of what I have learned since I started working here. Everyone else's advice went in one ear and out the other. We started talking about music and he is SO cool! He started rambling off about the early 80s and that's when I began to really bond with him. 

First he asked me what I thought about The Smiths. "What do I think about The Smiths... o my gosh *sigh* so good." He smiled, "good". He then proceeded to tell me how about his favorite songs and how Morrissey's solo stuff is some of the greatest stuff out there. We past on through to Joy Division, New Order, and onto The Cure. He said that their album "Pornography" is their best. Brad...I think you're the best.  

*Morrissey

*Joy Division

*& New Order

*(obviously) The Cure

skinny boys and raincoats.

We took the Trax

'Yesterday it seemed everywhere I went the Beatles were playing, Very therapeutic to deal with your problems head on and mine... mine are full of avoiding. Avoiding everything including people and things that remind me of other things. I'm being vague but trust that avoiding telling about it is helping (haha). Listening to the Beatles by force was really good because it showed me that it's one more thing I can put back into my life.