when you're not in love

When you're not in love 

and you don't have that deep heartache 

or intense crush 

life is kindof steady and peaceful. 

I haven't felt this way since I was 18. I can go where I want and do what I want to do without hurting anyone. I don't feel that exhilarating high when you have someone close, you let them take your soul and whisper a seal of trust. I don't have that devastating low where you feel like the whole world just collapsed upon you and you can't breath, where nothing feels right. I guess this is that feeling a human would called content. 

PLEASE someone bring me the 90s wrapped in shoelaces 


Go ahead and watch this smashing pumpkins music video for your pleasure. Also I posted the lyrics because. because.  (they are amazing).

And I've known
We're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel
That something has been lost

But please
You know you're just like me
Next time I promise we'll be perfect
Perfect
Perfect

Strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind
So far, I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was
Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please
You always were so free
You'll see, I promise we'll be perfect
Perfect

Strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers walk asleep

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always were so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect
Perfect 

post war

Currently I'm reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac, listening to the Smashing Pumpkins and the Sex Pistols, writing poetry and painting scenes from the Old West while looking at Cathoic art. There is a whole number of contradictions in my morning/afternoon but this is how I stay mentally healthy.

This is my favorite art piece (as of yesterday)

It's called The Annunciation and Two Saints.

Painted for the Siena Cathedral in 1333

by Simone Martini and Lippo Memmi

"Earliest known example of an altarpiece with the focus on the annuciation
Gold background involves raised gesso (pastiglia) words in Gothic lettering

Ave gratia plena dominus tecum-"Hail, thou that art highly favored, the Lord is with thee (Luke 1:28)

Highly expressive-Mary's brow is furrowed and her lips are pursed

Heavenly messenger shows movement-cloak billows out behind

Virgins body contrasts with more dimensional Angel's body

Communicates tension

Angel=symbol of peace (olive branches)

Vase of lilies=Mary's purity

Raised words=message given to Mary (Word of God)-conception"

I found all of this here

I've been fascinated with Sid Vicious recently, researching his life and death in depth. 



 

and The Smashing Pumpkins which always seem to make me feel nostalgic.

Today I like...

HUGE head wreaths. 

silk flowers/beads/and lettuce all glued onto a coat hanger.

Warm baby capes.

My roots.

Bathrooms with old taste-buds.

snowy days + long skirts 

 Feeling like I'm on a high(school cheerleading team)

Black lace. Gothic crosses.

The new movie about Marilyn. 

  

I don't have that many shoes but if I did I would enjoy some of these suckersss:

Hanging with these guys in my earlobes. 

I forgot where I found these images so if they are yours 

you can yell at me, they aren't mine, 

thats for sure. 

Just pictures hanging out on my desktop.

I guess it's good to be friends.

Where I live, our creepy little house is surrounded by hotels. SURROUNDED>>>> so when I go to steal internet I find internet sources like: Disney_Guest, hope, hhonors, and all the surrounding hotel names. Ridiculous. The hotel name guest logins actually work pretty decent at certain hours but other then that we have no internet.
I really like living with no internet and T.V.
(I think my mom uses the internet more then I do now, which is really strange.) It causes me to work on more art and things I want to do and actually go out and be with people (sleeping and laying in my bed is one of my favorite things in the fall/winter season). That and hot cocoa (my everyday breakfast.)


Currently I want to spray paint everything in my room but first I should get my life in order or my clothes and other various items will be painted with gold and black duuuusssst.

SPARKLES

I love everyone and I hate everyone at the exact same moment. 

It's as if my mind is pulled in two polar opposite directions. I hate mornings and yet I love them. I want to move away to a new city but I stay here and I really do love Salt Lake. Everyone is like this huh? I just need to stop living in my head so much (ah but it's so much fun and enjoyable sometimes! So many possibilities.) 

Here are some things I want to do sometime, found at this great blog: her style diaries . Polar opposite seasons am I right? and I want to do them at the Exact. Same. Moment. (wahaha) okay enough with that, I'm joking.

Today is the most beautiful Sunday. A lot of changes are coming, I'm content with that.

R + J

I watched Baz Lurhamm's Romeo and Juliet today 

(one of my favorites) 

and Spun both have John Leguizamo 

who is phenomenal off-beat actor. 

I also started to build a shrine (to be continued).

I'm obsessed with punk, cluttery, catholic religious art 

put into a pot and mixed together.

viewer discretion advised 

November

I have situational depression. Some people in my life close to me know this.

So when I'm sad, unfortunately I'm really sad. 

This week I worked on a puzzle of Dracula and finished it

This might seem creepy but I really love graveyards. 

I've been going recently on Sundays with my friend Sarahjo 

and once upon a time when beautiful Olivia was visiting.

There is something that is so simple and peaceful about them.

Whenever I go on a trip with my family I ask if we can stop when I see a graveyard... 

of course they say no and think it's silly but they calm my nerves and rest my mind.

I felt like the deer there were A. protecting the graveyard or B. spirit animals. 

I think my spirit animal is a deer sometimes.

I was an Indian for Halloween, a boy asked me if I shaved my hair for the costume...

okay...

I'm into Halloween 

but I'm not obsessed.

(Elyse was ----> a flapper and my roommate Milo ---> a cowgirl)

twice in one day.

I used to be in love with this music video 5 years ago.
I thought the girl with the short hair was the cutest and I was willing to chop off my locks if it turned out like that... unfortunately some of us have hair that WONT look like that and it's sad. Today on my lunch break Hannah and Elyse joined me for some eatery and they both kept talking about their short locks and new ways to style it, needless to say I was jealous.

Anyway, if this is a bar... I don't think these kids have past the 9th grade.
...maybe by now.

Fall-oween

*my car swimming in leaves 

*yep, that's me taking out the trash. 

...cool

*our homeless shelter/tree house. 

trust me... this is VERY creepy at night.