out to sea

Ever since my accident two years ago I have rejected my body.

Disowned it.

Laid it out to sea as a betrayer.

Destroyer of my passions and beauty in the world. (haha okay that was a bit extreme but...)

After my accident I could no longer dance,

I could no longer breathe, walk, sit, stand, essentially live without pain.

I couldn't straighten my legs fully while sitting on the floor

Or bend over and pick anything up 

When I used to rest my head against my legs 

and press my hands into the floor.

I had surgery 5 months ago 

and now

There is deep pain but it's less severe and comes maybe every two days

Life flows better

There is silence in my life 
Where once there were throbbing signals telling me there was something wrong 

(When there was nothing I could do about it)

Now.

Silence.

Breath.

Deep silence, 

The kind that makes you smile 

because all you can think about is silence and the beauty and mystery within it.

I realized recently that this is MY body

For now at least, I own it and I take care of it

and how I treat it is how it will treat me

Skipping the long list of details, my quest is to have a proper relationship with my body

One out of love, respect, and consideration.

To put it first and for most on my list of priorities.