tnalgde dew fo tangents; tangled web of

I would like my pastels and paints now

and I'm getting so frustrated to the point... 

that I may have to take a trip to Ogden to get them 

only to turn around and come right back.

I fantasize about them when I am at work.

O the projects to work on and create (and do?)

I vision them in the garage of my dad's cousins house dying to get out

Literally

Melting in the heat of their own anxieties

Killing each other to survive. 

source

I'm sorry

I feel bad

I used to think, 

(when I was small)

that everything had feelings

especially my stuffed animals.

They all had their places on my bed or in the canopy above it.

They had names and "conditions"

(some were nice, some weren't as nice

some needed more caring and love)

I would cut their hair thinking it would grow back?

and fake feed them,

hoping they wouldn't mind the plastic.

I would hold tea parties for them in our back yard

but then get distracted and leave them out in the rain.

It made me sad 

only because I thought they were sad.

source

Around the age of 4?

I was given the only surprise party I am aware of

(maybe it was a surprise because I wouldn't remember my birthday anyways unless someone reminded me of the countdown.)

I went outside and in every tree in our backyard was a stuffed animal hanging

It was animal themed with animal cake ect.

Best birthday ever.

I still remember the feeling of that surprise

amusement mixed with excitement.

source

(Arizona mesquite trees)

Today I'm feeling like I need to get rid of things.

toxic things.

I started with my phone

I hold onto numbers thinking that one day a person may call and I would like to know who it is

but... I don't think that the family I baby sat in AZ for is looking to get ahold of me now.

So today I started deleting 

and the more I started deleting the better I felt

Like these numbers had been weighing me down for some reason.

Next I realized that a lot of my contacts aren't sufficiently named

Most of the time when I add people 

I put them in my phone as an object or things that will remind me of who they are.

Sorry but there are too many Jeffs and Katies in this world!
(plus as most of you know I'm terrible at adding people in my phone)

I deleted contacts like "bed, cabin, psychology, dance, L G, Ha, #, ect the list goes on"

It was amusing.

#1 I enjoy tangents

#2 no apologies

good game.

p.s. I miss christina (my little sister) desperately today.
She's incredible.
The video, in the post below, kind of reminded me of us. together.