this makes me want purple hair. light purple.

sometimes I still think about you...

tell me about it...

I made a big purchase today. I bought a bass amp.

wooooooooooooooooooooo.

I have a cluttered life and the BEST bunch of people around me in the world.

 A month back I made a shrine:

it started off as a bathroom cupboard.

 my world (aka my currently messy room)

favorite picture of Bob Dylan at a photo/music museum  display in Arizona

Garden of Gethsemane downtown Tucson.

Carlin and me.

my amazing grandfather.

We attract and detract the most important things in life. 

In with the good, out with the bad. 

Thank goodness you can leave things behind and let things go.

strong female artists are amazing.

Admiration in a bottle.

i want to lose my soul.

I have the deep perspective for sadness everywhere, in animals, people, music, etc. It's as if I planted a sadness seed in my heart when I was 17 and all I see is sadness. I focus on things and see people's pain, need, jealousy, heartache, wanting, selfishness... I want people to stop being mean to each other, stop competing and fighting, being jealous, and even sad. Maybe it's because I have deep ocean glasses on, the color of depression. I hunger for beauty, life, attention. I hunger for acceptance, relief from the pain. I hate the focus on "supposed to's" we are supposed to do that, this... it's what makes us socially accepted... liked by others... approved of... loved

ugh. I'm pissed. 

Can there be too much empathy?

I have the empathetic disease. 

I want to stop feeling sorry for my genuine actions, I want to stop feeling sorry for you, I want to stop being uncomfortable, angry, competitive. 

I want to live, learn, and love. love. love.

Why can't everyday be like this:

also I want a reason to wear an eye patch for a month, will someone punch me in the eye? 

when you're not in love

When you're not in love 

and you don't have that deep heartache 

or intense crush 

life is kindof steady and peaceful. 

I haven't felt this way since I was 18. I can go where I want and do what I want to do without hurting anyone. I don't feel that exhilarating high when you have someone close, you let them take your soul and whisper a seal of trust. I don't have that devastating low where you feel like the whole world just collapsed upon you and you can't breath, where nothing feels right. I guess this is that feeling a human would called content. 

PLEASE someone bring me the 90s wrapped in shoelaces 


Go ahead and watch this smashing pumpkins music video for your pleasure. Also I posted the lyrics because. because.  (they are amazing).

And I've known
We're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel
That something has been lost

But please
You know you're just like me
Next time I promise we'll be perfect
Perfect
Perfect

Strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind
So far, I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was
Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please
You always were so free
You'll see, I promise we'll be perfect
Perfect

Strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers walk asleep

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always were so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect
Perfect 

post war

Currently I'm reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac, listening to the Smashing Pumpkins and the Sex Pistols, writing poetry and painting scenes from the Old West while looking at Cathoic art. There is a whole number of contradictions in my morning/afternoon but this is how I stay mentally healthy.

This is my favorite art piece (as of yesterday)

It's called The Annunciation and Two Saints.

Painted for the Siena Cathedral in 1333

by Simone Martini and Lippo Memmi

"Earliest known example of an altarpiece with the focus on the annuciation
Gold background involves raised gesso (pastiglia) words in Gothic lettering

Ave gratia plena dominus tecum-"Hail, thou that art highly favored, the Lord is with thee (Luke 1:28)

Highly expressive-Mary's brow is furrowed and her lips are pursed

Heavenly messenger shows movement-cloak billows out behind

Virgins body contrasts with more dimensional Angel's body

Communicates tension

Angel=symbol of peace (olive branches)

Vase of lilies=Mary's purity

Raised words=message given to Mary (Word of God)-conception"

I found all of this here

I've been fascinated with Sid Vicious recently, researching his life and death in depth. 



 

and The Smashing Pumpkins which always seem to make me feel nostalgic.