a day in the life (etc)

This is where I work.

Sam got a parking ticket.

My best friend Elyse is the most incredible human being (sappy sappy sappy) I love her.  

This was my favorite song a few years back.

"Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke, so please stop smiling" (at 1:44)

greatest lyrics because... they make me smile.

and then when he says, 'please stop smiling', I smile even more.

maybe you have experienced this too.

I took too many pills this morning...

when this happens I become a little bit loopy. Under the spell of 'go go go' or 'slow slow slow', I don't know which one it will be this time (it's for anxiety in case you were concerned). The house is quiet. Garret went to Vegas this weekend and Milo... who knows. Probably sleeping or in Orem. She is like a cat. Literally. Elyse is at work (poor baby) and me? It's my day off. I'm choosing to spend it briefly in meditation and then in cleaning. The Beehive Tearoom (where I work) did the whole Sundance thing and now it's time to sleep for eternity. If I don't wake up (which I always imagine will happen) please watch out for the glass on my floor and excuse my dirty laundry.


Last night I stepped on a piece of glass and it went straight into my foot. My feet were too numb from work that I didn't notice for a minute. This reiterated something life has taught me, don't wait for horrible things to happen to create a change. Make a little change when you can before anything pressing or hurtful happens. 

a brief play by play:

I've been watching documentaries lately:

The movie above taught me to be more like my child self. Run through the streets, jump like a frog (that might have been my favorite part, how did he do that on his knees? at 13:39), not know the day of the week, etc.

don't be afraid.

I had the most amazing dream last night. I was at a beach where the water was pure glitter separated with every color. A huge backdrop sky with blazing sunset orange and light blue patterns. I could feel the warmth of the setting sun (probably my space heater, thank you so much). It was shallow water with a light muddy texture (vs. sandy) that stretched forever with egyptian/indian statues in a diagonal pattern.


I slammed my door yesterday morning (reminds me of my youth) just to shut it because it's one that tends to open and I try to keep it closed to trap in some heat. Well, while slamming it I managed to knock off my mirror and shelves, so my floor is littered with coins, makeup, and other various items. I haven't cleaned it up yet. (The mirror didn't break in case you were wondering)... I think I have invincible good luck coming my way or something special.


Currently I'm in love with glam rock and David Bowie, I'm going a through movies and such, as you can tell and I want to eat his smiling face... as creepy as you may think that is. As a child I was obsessed with the movie the Labyrinth, I thought he was a babe, and it was my first cd that I purchased (that, along with ghostbusters).

I would die to have this hair: I think it's so so SO beautiful.

I really enjoy cat print things and dark lipstick.

yes.

I would like to make this jacket.

minus the stars.

could you be more attractive! ...Yes, I could watch this picture for 4 minutes and 31 seconds

this makes me want purple hair. light purple.

sometimes I still think about you...

tell me about it...

I made a big purchase today. I bought a bass amp.

wooooooooooooooooooooo.

I have a cluttered life and the BEST bunch of people around me in the world.

 A month back I made a shrine:

it started off as a bathroom cupboard.

 my world (aka my currently messy room)

favorite picture of Bob Dylan at a photo/music museum  display in Arizona

Garden of Gethsemane downtown Tucson.

Carlin and me.

my amazing grandfather.

We attract and detract the most important things in life. 

In with the good, out with the bad. 

Thank goodness you can leave things behind and let things go.

strong female artists are amazing.

Admiration in a bottle.

i want to lose my soul.

I have the deep perspective for sadness everywhere, in animals, people, music, etc. It's as if I planted a sadness seed in my heart when I was 17 and all I see is sadness. I focus on things and see people's pain, need, jealousy, heartache, wanting, selfishness... I want people to stop being mean to each other, stop competing and fighting, being jealous, and even sad. Maybe it's because I have deep ocean glasses on, the color of depression. I hunger for beauty, life, attention. I hunger for acceptance, relief from the pain. I hate the focus on "supposed to's" we are supposed to do that, this... it's what makes us socially accepted... liked by others... approved of... loved

ugh. I'm pissed. 

Can there be too much empathy?

I have the empathetic disease. 

I want to stop feeling sorry for my genuine actions, I want to stop feeling sorry for you, I want to stop being uncomfortable, angry, competitive. 

I want to live, learn, and love. love. love.

Why can't everyday be like this:

also I want a reason to wear an eye patch for a month, will someone punch me in the eye?